kita sebenarnya was not looking forward for today. why? because kita ada 2 meeting hari ni. dan kita memang makin lama makin tak gemar meeting. pelikkan? patutnya as you grow older, and climb up your career ladder, you should be looking more towards the management/admin part.
but i’m just the opposite. kita tak de cita2 nak jadi boss, tak de cita2 nak jadi orang besar2. kita suka jadi org biasa je.. low profile. asalkan kita bermanafaat kepada organisasi dan tidak menjadi bebanan pada org lain, kita dah cukup happy. kita suka buat kerja…
yang menarik pada meeting hari ni hanya kerana lepas tu dapat makan sedap. dan hari ni memang sedap, lauk kampung. sambal belacan nye memang tambah kick, cuma tak de ikan masin. kalo tak mesti kita makan bertambah. tapi kita makan laju je sbb nak gi another meeting after lunch. 2nd meeting ni memang tak menarik langsung. kita pun duk berfikir2 nak menarik diri dari jadi ajk persatuan ni. persatuan ni bagus, cuma kita tak rasa kita boleh get along ngan other ajk. tak sama wavelength, susah nak ngam, tak seronok nak bekerja. penat2 kita get ready for meeting, tetiba cancel.. bagus!
kadang2 bila pikir, susah nak get satisfaction dalam hidup ni. kita mungkin nampak happy, tapi apa kehendak yang tersirat dalam diri kita, orang tak tahu. kadang2 kita sendiri pun confuse..
dulu lecturers pujuk kita stay kat universiti, jadi lecturer. they said i have the potential. hehe.. sorryla, kita ni memang bukan jenis manusia perasan bagus dan kita tak makan pujian. dah hampir 80% kita dah nak sanggup, tapi kita finally tolak and said a firm “NO” bila kita sedar dan tahu apa yang sebenarnya kita inginkan. kita really enjoy clinical work, dealing with patients and doing operations - ade satisfaction. tapi kita tak enjoy buat research and kita tak rasa kita cukup sabar utk mengajar students. dan kita tak leh tolerate politic kat university. hipokrit.
what do you really want in life? dah hampir 40 tahun hidup, kadang2 rasa masih mencari2. dulu masa early 20s banyak angan2. bila dah start kerja mula ade short term plan, long term plan. bila dah kawin, ade plan lain pulak. tapi sampai la ni masih tak jumpa kepuasan yang dicari..
kadang2 rasa nak padamkan semua sejarah lalu and start anew as a new person, di tempat baru yang tak de sorang pun kenal kita. dan kita corakkan kembali kehidupan ini..
dah lebih sebulan tak ballik kb. bukan tak nak balik, tetapi ade je kerja during the weekend. kalau pun kita tak oncall, hubby pula yang sibuk. lately, hubbyby kept complaining that sofea is taking so much of his working time. so he compensated by working extra hours during the weekend.
kali ni, i mesti balik jugak. i can drive by myself kalau hubbyby tak nak ikut, cuma perlu izin dia je. selama ni pun kita dah biasa balik sendiri. tak sedap hati bila dah lama tak balik. my parents duduk berdua je in kb, kalau bukan kita yang paling dekat ni balik, siapa lagi yang nak jenguk depa? masa call my mom early this morning pun dia dah sound kita… lama sangat tak balik..
alhamdulillah, dalam kul 12.00 kita sampai kb. my parents sihat and nampak sangat happy jumpa cucu2. ayah seronok bercerita about the sekolah tahfiz, he’s happy that 3 of my nephews dengan rela hati nak spent a month of their holidays there, and sacrifice their alam duniawi, biarpun seketika. we catch-up on the latest news of our relatives and the neighbourhood.
ahh… it feels so nice to be home again. to sit and cuddle-up in my favourite sofa. to indulge myself with my mom’s cooking… she cooked nasi briyani arab today. to laze around the house sambil selongkar magazines and tengok gambar-gambar lama. and had a nap at my favourite spot. kita memang tak pernah puas balik rumah.
the first thing yg my mom commented bila kita bukak tudung was how kurus i am, and nampak lagi kurus dari sebulan lepas. my 3 nephews pun commented the same thing bila jumpa kita petang tadi. last week, a friend stopped me and asked me the same thing. my colleague pulak sampai cakap my legs lagi kurus dari her 8 y.o. daughter’s legs (melampau ni!). naik risau pulak.
am i so thin? my weight is 42kg now. rasanye ok la tu. at least i’m not less than 40kg. tapi memang lately bila tgk my reflection in the mirror, nampak ketara kurus. nasib baik kita suka pakai baju besar, at least tak de la nampak kecik sgt. hehe.. hari tu kita pening duk cari mana t-shirt kita hilang, yg baru pulak tu. rupa2nya my maid silap letak, dia ingat baju hanif. i guess we’re the same size now, and he will outgrow me soon.
susah hati tak? ade gak rasa susah hati especially bila kita selalu dpt headache. tak de la sakit sangat, but ade la that boring pain in the head. then badan rasa lenguh2 esp my arms, rasa nak org picit je. sedih gak… esp bila kita mula terfikir macam2. tapi lepas kita gi aerobics semua tu hilang. kita boleh follow all the steps, lompat2 and my stamina also quite good. so i guess, tak de ape2 lah. my previous blood test pun alhamdulillah, ok.
my appetite has also returned. i’m always hungry now, and makan pun bertambah. last tuesday, sampai nak hypo kat klinik, terketar2 tgk patient. tangan tremors semacam je. cepat2 minta my assistant tlg belikan food. kadang2, kita pulak cari food nak mengunyah. macam craving pulak sekarang. macam2 nak makan, esp chocolate, ice creams and cakes… hmm kalo dapat big apple donuts mesti best. time lunch waktu kerja pun kita asyik rasa nak keluar cari makan yg best2 je, tapi kdg2 klinik busy, tak sempat..
esok pagi nak makan ape ye? best nyer kalo dapat nasi kerabu or laksam. malam tadi dah makan nasi impit ngan satay. teringat pulak lontong, laksa penang… mula2 start rasa nak makan ari tu, kita bukan main seronok, perasan kita pregnant. tapi seperti biasala… berangan je lebih. tak pe.. kita redha ngan ketentuan Allah. Dia lebih tahu ape yang lebih baik untuk kita. hidup ni tak boleh tamak, ramai lagi orang yang tak bernasib baik berbanding kita. bersyukurlah..
bila kita dalam kesedihan dan tidak tenang, kita suka baca surah Ar-Rahman… “maka nikmat Tuhan kamu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?”…
last few days, the minister of education announced the top schools terpilih as SBT (sekolah berprestasi tinggi). there were 20 secondary schools and 6 primary schools from the whole country.
and SK Zainab (2) Kota Bharu is one of them. bangga giler tengok badge sekolah tu terpampang on paper, headline pulak tu.
hehe… i’m so proud of it. and proud being one of it’s products.
I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life’s experiences, bad and good make you who you are. Erasing any of life’s experiences would be a great mistake.
One cannot and must not try to erase the past merely because it does not fit the present.
after 5 years residing in KT, i finally make it to the top of the hill. the name is Bukit Besar. landmarknye is the “Allah Peliharakanlah Terengganu” - which was put up ala the Hollywood landmark.
sebelum ni hubbyby cam tak berminat nak panjat bukit tu. we were actually going for a jog, tapi tadi keluar lambat sket. my jogging shoes pula dah rosak. last week, i used my aerobics shoes to jog, abih rasa sakit kaki.. belum sempat beli a new one. so we finally decided nak gi naik bukit, and the children was excited about it.
it was about 9.30 when we reached the kaki bukit. orang dah tak ramai, so okay la. kita ni tak minat sangat kalo org ramai2.. naik about 5 minutes, hubbyby dah complain his thighs were aching.. i was okay. the children could still jog. hubbyby said bila jog naik bukit tu lagi senang dari just jalan. i felt the opposite. so i brisk walked. we stopped sekejap2 to let sofea catch her breath, and make sure she was ok. 3/4 up the hill, mula ada sound dari TM generator kat atas. sofea was scared of the sound, and hubbyby dah penat. i kept telling them, rasanye dah tak jauh lagi, but sofea didn’t want to continue, so did hubbyby. hanif and i naik lagi, and we make it to the top. ala.. tak jauh pun dari tempat kami tinggalkan sofea and hubbyby.
the view from the top was fascinating. didn’t bring my camera, so tak de la pictures. but i think, the view would be much better kalo gi petang, coz boleh nampak sunset. but it would be lagi fresh kalo gi awal pagi.. the air would be lagi fresh. hubbyby said we can go again tomorrow morning, nak keluar awal pagi sikit coz esok kita oncall.
naik bukit tu tak de la mencabar sangat. not so tinggi, and the track was made not so curam. we made it to the top in about 15 to 20 minutes. boleh la keluar peluh. the other three were drenching with sweat, tapi kita macam biasa, tak de la sampai basah baju. time aerobics pun my instructor pernah tegur, i cam tak berpeluh as compared to others yang berpeluh sakan. ntah le.. kita pun tak tahu kenape. dari zaman secondary school, kalo main netball, dah sampai habis first half baru kita nak berpeluh. penat tu penat, cuma not much of sweat.
spent only 5 minutes at the top. tak de benda menarik.
turun bukit lebih mencabar to me. kalo tak kena cara boleh sakit lutut. hanif n sofea berlari2 turun walaupun i tak bagi depa lari. maybe their center of gravity is much lower, so they’re much stable. sampai di kaki bukit dalam 7 minutes.
it was good to begin with. far easier than my teenage experience with bukit pelindung near my mrsm in kuantan. i tak pernah sampai atas top of bukit pelindung, tempat org tengok anak bulan setiap kali nak ramadhan or raya. next time, need to wear a proper shoes and i need to set the time utk sampai atas. i need to walk faster, so that my cardiovasc system boleh dapat better effect. and i hope to drench more sweat.
kalo dapat buat once a week kira dah cukup bagus la. harap2 tak hangat-hangat tahi ayam.
ade je benda yang tak puas hati. dalam kita seronok bergotong royong, bekerjasama, ade pula makhluk yang pot-pet pot-pet tak henti2. berbalas laser shots. kata-kata penuh makna, need to read between the lines, ada saja yang tersirat.
kenapa perlu ade yang sangat berkira? bukankah kita mahu bekerja seikhlasnya, saling memberi, saling menyumbang. hasilnya kita juga yang merasa. tapi ade juga mereka yang tadinya sangat calculative tiba-tiba sangat prominent bila dah nampak hasil. tiba-tiba berminat. lebih sudu dari kuah.
kalau begitulah lazim orang kita, yang manis dah jadi tawar. yang lazat dah hilang khasiatnya.
umur dah besar panjang, perangai masih level anak2 sekolah.
woke up with a headache. had a cup of milo and off to work. after the ward round, had a sardin roll and nearly half a glass of plain water. tak sempat nak minum banyak coz the water was so hot, and the clinic needs me badly.
my clinic was as usual… tenang dalam kalut. there’s a lot of multitasking in our department, ending up with only 3 or 4 doctors running the general clinic. to make things worse, i had to attend 4 socso board cases. my head was throbbing with pain. and the surgeon in the OT wanted another MO up there.
the poor, elongated terengganu state has only one government eye center. and ophthalmology needs extra skills and expertise in which only the eye trained doctors can see ophthal patients. we cannot discharge our patients to the district hosp out patients dept, or health clinics. meaning that all eye cases need to be seen by us.
so, we have a large crowd of patients as compared to other specialist clinics. most of these people are the elderly, and quite many of them are children. even though they were given staggered appointments, they still come at their own time. they came from far, and some need special transportation arrangement to come to KT. rejecting them when they come late, is sometimes a sin.
so… there were many patients, and few doctors. hence, the long waiting time.
and the higher people still wants us to explain why the waiting time is long.
even primary school children can do the simple maths. simple logic. no lengthy reasoning.
we have to optimize our services within the given resources. manpower issues would be considered a universal problem and should not be an issue. we should be creative and innovative enough to find ways to optimize the waiting time. fine.
over the years, we have done so much to reduce the waiting time. but sometimes, i think we are too optimistic, ambitious and idealistic. yes, everything would look nice on paper, and should work well in an ideal setting. but we are far from that.. we are so far from being ideal.
can we look at this issue in a more practical way? to me, putting a blame only on the worker bees is not fair, especially when the queen bee always kept herself hidden in the honey comb.
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